Impending

This is when the guilt begins. When I realize that others have been actually reading those professional self-help books they brought home for the summer. When I notice that there has been activity on the school email and website (who are those people?). When I have to acknowlege the fact that I have not set foot in my school building since June. This was the plan, a gift to myself and my family. I gave myself July. But now it is almost August, and I dread the moment, next Monday, when I must finally cross over the door jam of my classroom and look at the bare walls and stacks of unpacked boxes, and comtemplate my packed schedule of meetings and workshops, and realize that August is nothing but a single breath compared to the long meditation of July. I am torn between rushing around to finish up all the chores on my summer to-do list, and plucking at the ukelele a little while longer while blowing bubbles for the kids in the backyard pool. Which will be more important in the long run?

Most importantly, I need to decide how I am going to avoid panic. Panic is my natural instinct, the one I am ashamed of and must overcome. The job we are asked to do is, at least on paper, overwhelming. There will never be enough hours in the day, week or academic year to get my students where they need to be in the way I know best. I must learn over to over-ride my natural reaction which is to assume I am actually supposed to do all that is asked of us and then plummet in to a frenzied depression because I know I will fail in the end. I must take the next week to solidify an attitude of profound positivity and complete calm. Breath in, breath out. And in the meantime, blow bubbles.