I have never had such a strong start to the year. The students have seemed responsive. They have been productive. My lessons have been organized and objectives clear in my head. I am on track in math. The kids have written more in their journals than I ever thought possible. I am actually teaching science for the first time. This should be a good, normal classroom. A solid teaching experience. I should feel secure that I can do this.
But I am not secure. Every time a student speaks out I worry that I am losing control of the class. There are moments during the day when I literally have to ask the class to wait while I pick up my teaching manual to check the lesson, not having had the time to prepare. I have a plan for next week, but not beyond that. And what lies beyond that? What if this strong start I have miraculously been able to build is doomed to unravel in to a steady state of catch-up chaos? What if suddenly it is November and I realize I have not taught them how to write a complete sentence? Or memorize their multiplication facts. What if their writing, reading, math, social skills begin to deteriorate and it will be obvious that it is my fault?
I can only hope that there will come a day when I can say, "I know how to teach." Otherwise this profession may not be sustainable.
On the other hand, I ever claim that "I know how to teach," please ask me to submit my resignation. With security, I fear, may come complaisance.
1 comment:
Pardon my point by point response to your wonderful blog. But note that the first paragraph is filled to the brim with achievements many teachers seek in a semester or even a year.
As for losing control, might that be the precipice where the most learning happens? And perhaps you provide a good role model of someone who takes the time to prepare a plan and is not too perfect to perform without a net. As for the future, of course it hasn't happened yet. You list interesting goals. My guess is: You are a Teacher, and your students are dang lucky.
-D.
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