Teaching is completely draining. Not that I am miserable or spent. But at the end of each day I find that every word, thought, impulse, wish, reaction, response, desire, idea has been used. Pfft. Done. Nothing left. The battery has run on full power all day and doesn't have any more juice. There are no bars. So I plug in. To my kids, my husband, dinner, books, bath, and try to refuel. For an hour this evening I cuddled with my two year old on the couch while my four year old put on an existential puppet show. I fell asleep twice. The kids seemed content just to have me around, but I wished I could have been behind the curtain moving the plot along. So when I think of this writing space, I have regrets. I wish I had the energy to process and pontificate, as I had planned. But when I stop for a moment to check in with my actions and process and ask if I actually learned anything, I come up blank. I feel like the child who responds so decisively when asked "What did you do today?" Nothing. Nothing.
1 comment:
It is good that you are at least audience for a puppet show, if not behind the curtain. I will offer, though, that the piece might seem a little less existential if you had more sleep.
Maybe it is not "Nothing. Nothing." But: "Everything. Everything." It is not a blank screen with no text or images. It is a film about frogs plus a slide show about grammar, plus a podcast about what student-centered learning really means ALL PLAYING AT THE SAME TIME. It is a blur because it is so full, not because it is nothing.
This is perhaps what it feels like to try to really be present to so many learners across so many contents areas in one small room. So, so many good teachers I know feel this at the end of the day. Best to plug into a puppet show.
Post when you can. Even this summary of how it feels is affirming and resonates with me.
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