Lost

This is the post I had wanted to write.

I lost the battle. Despite a dozen letters from parents and colleagues, the superintendent upheld the decision to not-renew my contract (aka fire my ass). I lost.

Their loss.

I have spent the past couple of weeks on an emotional roller coaster, plummeting from self righteousness in to self doubt and back again, often several times a day. During the long, slow, terrifying ascents out of misery I am trying to get a vantage of the landscape of public education and determine if there is truly a place for me in it. While I race down the track, wind tearing at my cheeks and hair, I contemplate becoming a children's book author, or street mime in Paris, as may be my destiny. It's a rocky ride, but I am pretty sure no one has died in this theme park before. My seat belt (Peter) is firmly fastened, and I am pretty and sure Jasper and Josie are not in the car with me.

I am lost.