Then I went to a colleague and asked her if she thought I should quit. If a superior can spend an hour in my classroom and find not a single redeeming moment, then maybe, after six years, I really do not know what I am doing. Maybe it's time to pull the curtain. She assured me, as I hoped she would, that I am a great teacher. Then she said perhaps I should start looking for another job. The fact is that if they want to fire me, they can, and they probably will. They don't even need a reason, since I don't have "tenure."
After a long weekend away with friends and family and perspective, I have come to an understanding. None of us is perfect. Not a single goddamned person on this earth is perfect. Not even Jesus was perfect. So one person looks on another and judges them through a lens. With that lens she can choose to see a person's strengths or weaknesses. Her lens is tinted by her values. What I view as strengths, she may see as weaknesses, or she simply doesn't see them because she do not value those qualities.
I have many strengths as an educator. I communicate well. I inspire. I teach my children to communicate with one another, and to value their strengths and respect themselves. All things that are not assessed with standardized tests, by the way. Sure, I can teach them to divide decimals, multiply fractions, and use quotation marks. They can identify similes and metaphors, write good leads to their narratives, and recite their multiplication facts. But these are not my strengths. My greatest strength is that I try to cater my curriculum to my students, and let them guide our studies with their own interests. I reach out to members of the community to enrich our work in the classroom. I work to spend as much time as possible with them so I can know them as whole people, and not just students. These are my strengths.
My problem is that my administrators don't value these strengths. They care about test scores and classroom "management." Is everyone working as hard as possible all day long so that they will perform well on the NECAPs next year?
I am not saying that my values are better than another's. Tests are a real concern, and I would be happy for my students to perform well on them, and I will work with them to see that they do. But it may be that this administration and I will never see eye to eye. My grandmother once counseled me to be sure to marry someone with similar values. Maybe it's just an important to work in an institution that shares your values. Maybe it's time to get a divorce.
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